Juvenile Brain Trust (formerly Armchair Kid Nation)'s Page

Why do we know what one means when he says, “her jizz-tangle was warm and moist”? It’s context! No geometry book has ever discussed the jizztangle. In short, the kids learn how to say stuff without actually saying it — and making people laugh … maybe. Today’s lessons include: How do [...]

How did you learn how to urinate? Really? Sure, not wetting yourself not that big of a deal at your age (for most of us) but what about the finer points of the art? Mike takes Nicholas on a tour of elimination in an effort to teach him some of the finer [...]

Check this out — see if you agree:  http://purgingtalon.com/diabologue/?p=186

If there is one thing that really grinds Mike’s little head down to the shaft with a rasp is when kids call adults by their first name — especially when that adult is Mike. With that the lessons begin: Review: the 5 to 1 ratio (thanx to [Creepy] Dutch Step Uncle Tim Henson’s [...]

Sure, we’d all like to fly like Superman but do you know how painful that could be? Today the kids reflect on the real physics behind being a superhero. It will make you appreciate being a mere mortal. Today’s lessons: Why there is no fart flying Why Spiderman shoots webs from his hands Norm Augustinus’s [...]

This weekend both refrigerators died which means it’s time to recycle old appliances which gives Mike an opportunity to tech Gabrielle about our natural resources? Hell no! Have you been listening? This week’s lessons are: How corporate recycling works — we think Blue kids in the refrigerator Women lie, men are insensitive Rationalization Asshole parking Son of a gun Talking on [...]

As Gabrielle, Nicholas and Mike eat lunch right before Gabrielle is to be taken to a workshop, the lessons continue. Today’s conversation includes: How people should not attempt to get their share H-E-double whatever the fuck you call it Atheist or Christian? | Atheist and/or Jew? People are afraid of the word “Hell” (and “Death” and “Dead”) Learning your lesson [...]

Marji sent Mike and Gabrielle to the local big-box-electronics store to buy a new wireless telephone before the holiday weekend. Despite his preoccupation with electronics, there was a little time on the way there and on the way back to pound another lesson or three into Gabrielle’s brain — what a father he is! [...]

It looks like reality may strike close to home. Mrs. Alt (the lovely wife of our own BrianAlt), along with her sister, has her eye on the Amazing Race. Maybe Marji and Mike should do an Armchair Amazing Race. Either way, we know for whom we will be cheering! Watch the video: [click here to watch] Download [...]

When ol’ step-dutch-uncle Tim Henson asks for submissions to a creepy contest … we can’t resist. Today Gabrielle learns about: Acting Diddling What Tim Henson from Distorted View does Kid Touching (the inappropriate type) What she can tell her Mother Stepfathers (and creepy stepfathers) Virginity Cleveland Steamers (actually she doesn’t learn about it in the end) Pornography (perfectly OK for adults) Audio Editing What doesn’t satisfy [...]